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I seem to have the worst luck with dating people I actually fall for; everytime I do, it seems to push them away.
Went and visited rookie at his college two hours away two weekends ago. I drove during a blizzard to see him for one night, and I keep telling myself it was worth it, but something keeps telling me to quit being blind.
I hadn’t heard from Rookie for four days before I was suppose to leave for my trip; I feel as though I even left Saint Paul and drove to him was because his bestfriend decided to drive with me, and told Rookie we were coming up; we ended up not giving him a chance to say if I could come with or not, Dirty move, I know, but girls do what we gotta do.
My wingman and I arrive in CloudTown and Rookie is there at the door of his ghetto ass apartment to meet us; he doesn’t look me in the eyes (of course, because his bff is next to me, and at age 20, boys care about their friends more than girls theyre fucking), which makes me super unsure, and my anxiety skyrockets, but fuck it, its time to party.
Rookie takes us to a frat party; introduces his bestfriend to everyone, but not I, who was closely behind him at every step. I’m not sure how to take that; was he allowing other party goers to just assume that we were together, and he shouldn’t have to introduce me? or was it I wasn’t important enough to be introduced…? …anyways, rookie is also a clutz who gave me a blackeye while attempting to pick up a beer pong ball, and head butting me right in the face.. I danced, I joked, I met Rookies college friends, and had a pretty fun time. I still at this point was unsure but atleast I was tipsy and could ignore the situation for that moment.
After the party was over, we returned back to the Rookies apartment; bestfriend went to bed, and before I could even ask “How is school going?” The rookie had me on his lap, hands on my hips, and tongues down each others throats; and it felt sooo good. It was sooo good.
Now we do our thang, I ask him if I’m squishing on his futon with him or if he’s making me go sleep in the living room; and the answer was the living room. ..and that decision has seemed to seal our recent fate.
We have now texted one day out of the last two weeks since my road trip. My birthday is in two weeks, and Rookie is invited and expected to be there…but I’m already getting, “I cant make any promises,” texts about making it to my celebration.
How sad is it I just want him to be my birthday date FOR my birthday?
But how do I do that when I cant even get him to commit to a fucking “real” date, a planned date, that he doesn’t cancel on me?
His best friend is telling me we just have terrible timing with each other; but I’m starting to get sadder and sadder with not knowing the status of his feelings towards me, like always.
Basically to sum up this novel, I FINALLY get a weekend off, and I choose to go on a mini road trip to see this boy I’m totally in lust with, and I ended up leaving Northern Minnesota with a black eye, hickey on my neck, and even more confused feelings of hope.
This boy just defended my honor.. From 100 of miles away…
Against one of his closest pals…
I’m so turned on right now.
And he even said, “goodnight, Kayla.”
There’s just something that’s so attractive to me when people use my first name.
Im so into this rookie! Ugh!
I want to pull my hair out…
Or dig my nails into his back. ;D
…preferably the second one.
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