I graduate some form of secondary education, finally in two weeks, I’m hopefully moving in with one of the few friends of mine I could live with in three weeks, (in which I still havent told my family), and my heart was absoutely shattered a month ago, and I still feel never showing my face again…
But I’m drinking cider and smoking a bowl doing hw outside in gorgeous Minnesota weather on a Sunday morning, and I’m appreciative to still be alive, I guess.
I had my second ride along last Tuesday, and we responded to an older gentleman in a moto/car accdient on 94/280; a year and 3 days after my own dad was in an automobile accident that broke his neck and back, the main reason why I wanted to check out EMS careers; it was extremnely humbling and made me thankful for how healthy my family, and myself truly are. I’m not perfect, nor would I ever claim, because I can still have my own limbs, and not take daily medication…but when you’re cyutting the clothes off a man who is telling you he doesnt want to die, and bleeding out of his head, and knowing your own father was in the same position, it makes you check yourself;
even with the last month of being sick to my stomach because I was so enotionally hurt and then having to practice in my head in a 7min ride to the hospital thinking of how I’d tell this mans daughter, made me completely forget about my own trust issues I have from ex boysfriends, crushes, friends, PARENTS, bosses, teachers, professors, the MEDIA, haha, the only thing that came to my mind was how to say “goodbye.”
but I’ve always struggled with goodbyes. Thats why I’m depressed now. I dont want to say goodbye to the relationship I’ve worked so hard to get.
I dont want to graduate and say goodbye to school, and be stuck not knowing what the fuck I’m doing again for another four years.
I dont want to say goodbye to my family, when I’m only moving a mile away, and then fight with them everyday about how I moved out.„But I need to say goodbye to them,so I can grow up!
I just dont like change, and goodbye, and trust issues are mnain reasons of change in life.
I just dont know what to do and how to deal with life.